I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
