A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
