I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
