If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
