I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
