Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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