found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
