I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
