i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
