i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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