don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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