His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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