Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
