just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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