Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
