Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
