Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're like the curious george of whores
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
