On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
