every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
