and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
