We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
