It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
