Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
