one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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