I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
