i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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