you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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