We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
