in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
