Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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