she was so not down for the gang bang
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
