sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
