and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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