tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
