I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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