Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
