There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
