i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
