Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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