I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
