We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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