I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
