bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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