dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
