I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need to get me chipped asap
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