after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
