I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is my gift to your gina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
