My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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