it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
