i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
